


A True Hero's Calling

by Shellyyum



Series: Collection 2 [2]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:20:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shellyyum/pseuds/Shellyyum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inside of Kazuhira Miller's mind...it's dark, dry, and full of pain. Does he ever truly wake up?<br/>Does he ever truly regret or die? We'll find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A True Hero's Calling

“Don’t you think you stumble too much, Kazuhira?”

“I think I don’t, but I do the damn best I can-”

“You don’t have to think your heart is made of steel. You’re still human.” The female voice reassured and tried to change Kazuhira’s mind, but there was nothing changing what the world did to him. What failed him, and what fears and doubts coursed through his veins?  The tears were notwithstanding and something he couldn’t succumb to anymore, because he wasn’t a child anymore, and he couldn’t hold onto childish things. Childish behaviors, that mattered not, and what did tears do to change anything for him? It certainly didn’t bring back his mother, or change the loss of comrades and his phantom pain.

Tears were weak, but he couldn’t bring himself to try for himself, even if it meant changing the way he lived. Didn’t he try to rub off the pain with love? Didn’t he try to fail in that area, too?

Or did he find love to be the distracting force in his life?

“Nadine, I tried.”

“You didn’t try hard enough.”

“That’s right.” Venom Snake interjected calmly and swiftly, but the anger was rising in Kazuhira, and finding the energy to care beyond what was possible, “What do you know!? You aren’t even…even…”

“Even what? Are you mad that Big Boss hurt you, too?” Nadine asked putting a comfortable hand on Kazuhira’s shoulder.

“Can’t even cry for yourself.” Venom snapped sharply, and the rising rage seemed to be subsiding. Why was that? Wasn't it all true though? 

“You’ve made your choice, Kazuhira. I let you go. Big Boss, did too.”

“He _lied_ to me, _betrayed_ me. How was I to stay knowing that?”

“But you made the choice long before, didn’t you? The choice to leave?” Nadine quipped gripping harder, and Kazuhira didn’t dismiss this kindness or love but how could he be deserving of it? How could he deserve the love he got from her and Venom? Kazuhira remembered the many nights of sleeplessness in Venom’s arms, and struggling but was that love imperfect? Too crazy? Too unsure of everything? Was that sort of love in the past, and did he have to throw those shackles off?

What did he find in Nadine, that he couldn’t in Venom, in Big Boss.

Stability and a piece of a life he couldn’t have on Mother Base, so away from it? So far from his heart? Did he even have a heart now? Did Cipher destroy any vestige of that now? No, he had one. He had one.

Even if he blocked that heart from others, it still remained alive and held onto a tomorrow that promised something better. It still held onto a distance that he kept going towards. Who was to scrutinize his choices, anyhow? Who was to judge?

“Do you hate me, Snake? I chose some other life than what we were building towards. I’m a fool for it, but it was tempting.” Kazuhira admitted grasping Nadine’s hand and bringing it forth in his own, his leather glove slipping off and him feeling life for the first time.

Life, how cruel at times, but so beautiful too. Was he a true hero or a villain for accepting a quiet and calm life? No, it wouldn’t be accepted any time soon, but who was to be blamed for all this misery and death? Certainly it didn’t rest with Kazuhira, did it? One man wasn’t responsible and yet, there was a tangling of wills that couldn’t be denied here, because often Big Boss spoke of his mentor and what it meant to say goodbye, but Kazuhira never drove anything further than that, because why should it be his business to mangle hurt and sorrow into one complexity?

“I’m a fool, but I had no choice. You pushed me to it! You hear me, Snake!?”

“Did you really? You had a choice and yet, you already fixated a plan and executed it willingly.”

“Dammit, I—”

“Kazuhira, please don’t feel overwhelmed by any of this, it isn’t your fault for wanting the world to give you more. It’s no sin at all. Don’t listen to him.” Nadine reassured tightly and images passed through Kazuhira’s mind as to the love of the legend and utter loyalty shown to Big Boss’ ideals.

Kazuhira shrunk in terror, in abject terror to his role, but despite so, he got back up and faced everything else with determination and swift justice. Would his involvement ever end? Would it even cease but he knew the answer deeply, not until his death and even then, someone else would take the mantle of his hatred and disgust. Could he just wake up now? Wasn’t this all a bad dream…or was he trapped in his mind again?

“Please, let me go!”

“There’s no going anywhere except to hell.” Venom sneered.

“I don’t deserve it, I really don’t—” Kazuhira began and felt Nadine’s hand shrinking…

“Then, just wake up.” The force of impact was ridiculously mundane but, he knew that he couldn’t resist reality. He couldn’t just do it his own way anymore.

“What?”

“Wake up, Kazuhira. Wake up!” Nadine insisted harshly grating on his ears, but he had to wake from this dream, this nightmare, right? “If you can do anything, just wake up and realize…”

“Realize, you’re gone…”

“How could this happen to me!?”

Dying alone had its merits, but then again, it was a lonely way to end up in, without his family, without his ideals. Kazuhira Miller died alone in his home in Alaska.


End file.
